My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
