Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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