sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
