I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
