All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize