please come you make the beer taste better
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
