I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
