There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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