He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
