But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
