we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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