I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
