I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
