that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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