Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
