maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
