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how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
