I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
