My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
