I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
