The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
