I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
