Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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