no, he came in my armpit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
