Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
