When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
