Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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