i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
