Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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