Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
