Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
