I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
