cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I smell stomach acid.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
