Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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