In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
