Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
