I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
