carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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