Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
