I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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