Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
