wat bout pragnant strippers??
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
