my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
