He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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