gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
