At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
