Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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