Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
