Come see our sink grown plant.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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