I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
