i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
