he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
