she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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