Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
