You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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