"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
