i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
