He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
