You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
