I love black thongs
Girls should come with a carfax report
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
