Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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