I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
